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Gottman Method Worksheets: 5 Printable Couples Exercises

Five printable couples worksheets in our own words, based on Gottman's published ideas: four horsemen, love maps, bids, repair and softened startup.

Updated 10 min read
In this guideTemplate to copy10 questions answered

Search for Gottman method worksheets and you'll find two kinds of pages: the Gottman Institute's own downloads, and other sites' summaries of them. This page is something else. It explains the core ideas of the Gottman Method in plain words, with citations to the books and research they come from. Then it gives you five printable worksheets we wrote ourselves, inspired by those published ideas: a four horsemen worksheet, love maps questions, a bids log, a repair attempt plan and a softened startup script.

After the worksheets comes the part for you: how couples therapists use them between sessions, why you screen each partner alone for intimate partner violence before any of this, and how to note couples work in a progress note.

TranqBay isn't affiliated with or endorsed by the Gottman Institute. Every couple in this article is invented. Any resemblance to real people is a coincidence.

What the Gottman Method is, and what this page can't give you

The Gottman Method is the approach to couples therapy taught by the Gottman Institute, founded by psychologists John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. The Institute describes it as "an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough check up of the couple's relationship" (The Gottman Method).

The method grew out of observational research. According to the Institute, John Gottman and Robert Levenson "began doing longitudinal studies of couples in the 1970s," watching couples talk in a lab and recording their words, faces and body signals (The Magic Relationship Ratio). A few of the published studies behind the ideas on this page:

  • Gottman and Levenson, 1992.Seventy-three married couples were studied in 1983 and again in 1987. Couples whose interactions ran more negative showed "more stubbornness and withdrawal from interaction" and "greater defensiveness," and were at greater risk of separating (J Pers Soc Psychol).
  • Carrère and Gottman, 1999.In 124 newlywed couples, "It was possible to predict marital outcome over a 6-year period using just the first 3 minutes" of a conflict discussion (Fam Process).
  • Driver and Gottman, 2004.Forty-nine newlywed couples were observed over dinner and during a conflict talk. Everyday playful moments went with more humor and affection during conflict. The authors note the research "was strictly observational and therefore correlational" (Fam Process).

The ideas are set out for the public in John Gottman's books, including Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994), The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (with Nan Silver, 1999, revised 2015) and The Relationship Cure (with Joan DeClaire, 2001). For clinicians, there's The Marriage Clinic (1999), since updated with Julie Schwartz Gottman as The New Marriage Clinic (2024).

What we can't give you. "Gottman Method" is the Institute's name for its approach, and its worksheets, questionnaires, card decks and assessments are its own work. The Institute's terms say its site contents "cannot be reproduced or distributed" (Terms, Refund, Privacy and HIPAA Policy). So you won't find copies of their handouts here. Ideas published in books can be described, and that's what we do, in our own words, with our own worksheets. For the Institute's materials, go to the source:

Official training is through the Institute. The professional training path runs from Level 1 to Level 2, then Level 3 (a practicum built on videotaped couples cases), then a Certification Track that leads to the title Certified Gottman Therapist (CGT). Reading this page or using these worksheets isn't Gottman training, and it doesn't make you a Gottman therapist.

The core Gottman ideas in plain words

The Sound Relationship House

The Sound Relationship House is Gottman's model of a healthy relationship: seven floors, held up by two walls. It appears in his 1999 books, The Marriage Clinic (as the "Sound Marital House") and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The floors, in the Institute's order and our words (What is The Sound Relationship House?):

  • Build love maps.Know your partner's inner world, and keep updating what you know.
  • Share fondness and admiration.Notice what you like and respect about each other, and say it.
  • Turn towards.Respond to your partner's small reaches for attention instead of missing them.
  • The positive perspective.A default of goodwill, so a clumsy or neutral moment gets read kindly.
  • Manage conflict.Manage, not solve. The Institute writes that "Sixty-nine percent of relationship conflict is about perpetual problems," differences in personality or needs that keep coming back (Managing Conflict).
  • Make life dreams come true.Support each other's hopes, including the ones hiding inside a stuck argument.
  • Create shared meaning.The rituals, goals and symbols a couple builds together.
  • The two walls: trust and commitment.The Institute calls them "The Weight-Bearing Walls of Trust and Commitment."

The worksheets below work mostly on the first three floors (friendship) and the fifth (conflict). That matches how The Seven Principles is built: friendship first, then conflict.

The Four Horsemen and their antidotes

The Four Horsemen are four ways of talking during conflict that Gottman's research linked to unhappy relationships and divorce. The Institute names an antidote for each (The Four Horsemen; The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes):

  • Criticism.Not a complaint about something your partner did, but "an attack on your partner at the core of their character." The antidote: "complain without blame by using a soft or gentle start-up."
  • Contempt.Mocking, sneering, eye-rolling, name-calling. It "assumes a position of moral superiority" over the partner. The Institute says "contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce." The antidote: "build a culture of appreciation and respect."
  • Defensiveness.Excuses and counterattacks in reply to a complaint, which the Institute calls "really a way of blaming your partner." The antidote: "accept responsibility, even if only for part of the conflict."
  • Stonewalling.The listener "withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding." It often follows flooding, when the body is so stressed that listening stops working. The antidote: physiological self-soothing, a break that "should last at least twenty minutes" because that's how long the body takes to calm down.

The horsemen aren't a diagnosis, and most couples slip into one now and then. What matters clinically is the pattern: which horseman shows up, how often, and whether the couple can recover.

Love maps

The Institute describes a love map as the part of your mind "where you store all the personally important information about your partner's life": their worries, hopes, friends, stresses and history. Its blog says couples with detailed love maps are "far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict" (Build Love Maps). Maps go out of date. A new job, a baby or an illness changes what's on them.

Bids for connection and turning toward

"A bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection" (Turn Towards Instead of Away). A bid can be a sigh, a joke, "look at this," or a hand on the shoulder. In The Relationship Cure, Gottman describes three ways to answer: turning toward (noticing and answering), turning away (missing or ignoring it) and turning against (answering with irritation).

The Institute reports that in Gottman's study of newlyweds, "couples that stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time" at the six-year follow-up, and couples that divorced "averaged only 33% of the time."

Repair attempts

A repair attempt is any statement or action, "verbal, physical, or otherwise," that keeps negativity from spiraling: a joke that lands, "Sorry, that came out wrong," a hand reaching across the table. The Institute's blog says Gottman's research shows "the success or failure of a couple's repair attempts is one of the primary factors" in whether a marriage thrives (How to Make Repair Attempts). In The Seven Principles, repairs land more easily when the friendship underneath is strong, which is one reason friendship work comes first.

Softened startup

How a conflict conversation starts shapes how it goes. That's the finding behind the Carrère and Gottman study above. A harsh startup opens with criticism or contempt. A softened startup raises the same issue gently. The Institute's suggestions, in our words (Soften Your Start-Up):

  • Complain about the situation without blaming the person.
  • Start with "I" instead of "You."
  • Describe what's happening instead of judging it.
  • Be polite, and say what you appreciate.
  • Raise things as they come up instead of saving them.

Two more numbers you'll see quoted

  • The 5:1 ratio.The Institute writes that "for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions" (The Magic Relationship Ratio).
  • Perpetual problems.The 69% figure above. It's why the method talks about managing conflict and keeping a dialogue going about lasting differences, not winning.

Both figures come from the Gottman research program and are reported by the Institute. Treat them as findings from specific samples, not laws.

What the evidence says about the Gottman Method

The research on what predicts relationship outcomes is large and long-running. The research on Gottman Method Couples Therapy as a treatment is smaller:

  • A 2026 systematic review applied the Chambless criteria, the main framework the American Psychological Association uses to classify empirically supported treatments, to 40 studies of couple therapy. It found that "no couple therapy models met the standards for strong empirical support." Seven models, Gottman couple therapy among them, "demonstrated modest support," and the most common limitations were small samples and lack of independent replication (Jackson et al., J Marital Fam Ther, 2026).
  • An uncontrolled study of 106 gay and lesbian couples found "significant improvements in relationship satisfaction following eleven sessions of therapy." Several authors were from the Gottman Institute (Garanzini et al., 2017).
  • A small study of 16 couples reported better marital adjustment and intimacy after ten sessions of Gottman couple therapy (Davoodvandi et al., 2018).
  • Much of the founding work was observational and correlational. A pattern that predicts divorce isn't proof that teaching couples to avoid it causes change, though that is the idea the method tests.

In practice: use these worksheets inside a couples treatment you're trained to deliver, as structured practice between sessions. They aren't a treatment on their own, and they aren't a substitute for training.

Safety first: screen each partner alone before conjoint work

None of these worksheets belongs in a relationship where one partner is afraid of the other. A four horsemen sheet can become a tool for policing a partner. A softened startup puts the work of staying calm on the person being hurt. A repair plan can't fix a power imbalance.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is direct about this: "We at The Hotline do not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counseling with their partner." It adds that "Abuse is not a relationship problem" and that "An abuser may use what is said in therapy later against their partner" (The Hotline).

Researchers who study conjoint treatment for partner violence reach a careful middle ground. A review by McCollum and Stith found that conjoint treatment "may have a place in the treatment of at least some couples," with best practices that include "careful screening of couples for inclusion" and "ongoing assessment of safety with contingency plans for increased risk" (Violence Vict, 2008). Gottman's own research group has tested a screening instrument built to tell "characterologically violent, situationally violent, and distressed non-violent couples" apart, so that only situationally violent couples were invited to a joint workshop (Friend et al., 2011). A systematic review found that universal screening practices "have not been systematically adopted in family therapy settings" (Todahl and Walters, 2011), so don't assume a referral source or an earlier therapist has asked.

A practical sequence:

  • Meet each partner alone before conjoint work starts, even briefly. Ask the same questions of both.
  • Ask behavior-specific questions: pushing, hitting, choking or strangling, threats, weapons in the home, forced sex, damaging property, tracking phones, controlling money or who they see, and whether they're ever afraid of their partner.
  • Tell each partner in advance what you'll do with what they tell you alone. Your policy on individual disclosures (often called a secrets policy) belongs in the consent, explained before anyone discloses. See our informed consent example.
  • Keep screening out of joint paperwork. Don't put violence questions on a form both partners fill in together, or on a joint intake one partner might see.
  • In video sessions, check that each person is alone and can talk freely during individual check-ins, and agree on a word that means "I can't talk now."
  • If there's fear, coercive control or ongoing violence, don't start conjoint conflict work. Focus on the safety of the person at risk, offer individual sessions and referrals, and consult or seek supervision.
  • If a partner discloses abuse alone, don't raise it in a joint session without their agreement and a safety plan.
  • Re-screen. Check in individually again during treatment, and any time you see fear, sudden withdrawal or one partner answering for the other.

Offer the National Domestic Violence Hotline when you need to: call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. Screen for other things that change the plan too: suicide risk, active substance use (the AUDIT-C is quick), depression (the PHQ-9) and an affair that's still going on.

How to print this page or save it as a PDF

  • On a computer: press Ctrl+P (Windows) or Cmd+P (Mac).
  • On a phone: open your browser's share menu and choose Print.
  • To save a PDF: in the print window, choose "Save as PDF" as the printer. You can keep the file with your handouts or send it to a couple.
  • To print one worksheet: in the print preview, find the pages from that worksheet's title to the start of the next one, and enter just those pages as the page range.
  • Print two copies of each sheet, one for each partner.
  • If the cookie notice is still open, choose an option first, so it doesn't print across every page.

Five printable couples worksheets

For both partners, before you start

  • Use your own copy. Apart from the love maps questions, write about yourself, not your partner.
  • These sheets are practice between sessions with your therapist. They aren't tests, and nobody gets a score.
  • If an exercise turns into a fight, stop, take a break, and bring it to your next session.
  • If you feel afraid of your partner, don't do these exercises together. Tell your therapist when you can talk alone.

Four horsemen worksheet: spotting and antidote practice

Everyone slips into these sometimes. This sheet is for catching your own, not your partner's.

The four, in plain words

  • Criticism: turning a complaint into a judgment of who someone is. It often sounds like "You always..." or "What's wrong with you?"
  • Contempt: talking down to someone. Mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, sarcasm meant to sting.
  • Defensiveness: answering a complaint with an excuse or a counterattack. "That's not my fault." "Well, you..."
  • Stonewalling: shutting down. Going silent, looking away, or walking off without saying when you'll be back.

Catch one of mine

  • When it happened: ________________________________
  • What we were talking about: ________________________________
  • What I said or did: ________________________________
  • Which one it was (circle): criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, not sure
  • What I was feeling just before: ________________________________
  • What my body was doing (heart racing, hot face, tight chest, going numb): ________________________________

Try the opposite

  • If it was criticism, say one complaint, how you felt and what you'd like: "I felt __________ when __________. Could we __________?"
  • If it was contempt, write one thing you respect or appreciate about your partner, even right now: ________________________________
  • If it was defensiveness, write the part of this that's yours, even a small part: ________________________________
  • If it was stonewalling, write how you'll ask for a break: "I'm getting overwhelmed. I need ______ minutes, and I'll come back at ______."
  • What I'll do during a break to calm down (not replaying the argument): ________________________________

My rewrite

  • What I said: ________________________________
  • What I could say next time: ________________________________

This week

  • Times I caught a horseman before it came out: ______
  • Times I caught one afterward and tried the opposite: ______
  • What I want to talk about in session: ________________________________

Love maps worksheet: questions to know each other now

Answer each question about your partner on your own first. Then sit down together, compare, and let your partner tell you the real answer. Getting one wrong isn't failing. It's how maps get updated.

What I think I know about you

  • Something you're looking forward to this month: ________________________________
  • Something weighing on you right now: ________________________________
  • Someone you've felt close to lately: ________________________________
  • Something you've been learning or trying lately: ________________________________
  • What you do to unwind after a bad day: ________________________________
  • A small thing that makes your day better: ________________________________
  • A memory from growing up that you come back to: ________________________________
  • Something you're proud of but rarely mention: ________________________________
  • A worry you have about the next few years: ________________________________
  • A hope you have for the next five years: ________________________________
  • A song, show, book or place you love at the moment: ________________________________
  • How you like to be comforted when you're upset: ________________________________
  • One thing you'd change about your days, if you could: ________________________________

What I want you to know about me

  • Something that's changed for me lately that you may not know yet: ________________________________
  • Something I'd like you to ask me about more often: ________________________________

After we compare

  • One answer I got right: ________________________________
  • One thing I learned: ________________________________
  • A question I'll ask my partner this week: ________________________________

Bids log: noticing reaches for connection

A bid is any small reach for attention: a comment, a question, a joke, a sigh, a touch, a text. This log helps you notice bids in both directions. Write down your own answers, not a tally of your partner's misses.

Three ways to answer a bid

  • Toward: noticing it and answering, even briefly. "Huh, that's funny." A smile. Putting the phone down.
  • Away: missing it or ignoring it, often by accident because you're tired or distracted.
  • Against: answering with irritation or a put-down. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

Bid 1

  • Day and time: ________________________________
  • The bid, and who made it: ________________________________
  • How it was answered (circle): toward, away, against
  • What happened next: ________________________________

Bid 2

  • Day and time: ________________________________
  • The bid, and who made it: ________________________________
  • How it was answered (circle): toward, away, against
  • What happened next: ________________________________

Bid 3

  • Day and time: ________________________________
  • The bid, and who made it: ________________________________
  • How it was answered (circle): toward, away, against
  • What happened next: ________________________________

At the end of the week

  • A bid from my partner I noticed and answered: ________________________________
  • A bid I missed, and how I could answer one like it next time: ________________________________
  • A bid I made that landed: ________________________________
  • A kind of bid I'd like more of: ________________________________
  • One small daily habit we could try (a hello and goodbye, a 10-minute talk after work, a text at lunch): ________________________________

Repair attempt worksheet: our plan for slowing a fight down

A repair is anything that slows a fight down before it gets worse. Repairs work best when you agree on them in a calm moment, so fill this in together when things are calm.

Our early warning signs

  • How I can tell I'm getting overwhelmed: ________________________________
  • How my partner can tell I'm getting there: ________________________________
  • Our signal for "we need to slow down" (a word or a gesture): ________________________________

Repairs I can offer

Circle any that sound like you, and add your own.

  • To slow down: "Hang on, I don't want this to turn into a fight." "Can I say that a better way?"
  • To own my part: "That came out harsher than I meant." "You've got a point there."
  • To check in: "What did you hear me say?" "Are you okay?"
  • To reach for you: "I'm on your side, even now." A hand on the arm, if that's welcome.
  • My own words: ________________________________

Repairs that reach me

  • Words or actions that help me calm down: ________________________________
  • Things that don't help me (for example sarcasm, jokes in a tense moment, being touched when I'm overwhelmed): ________________________________

Our break plan

  • Either of us can call a break, at any time, using our signal.
  • How long: at least 20 minutes, and no longer than ______ before we check back in.
  • What I'll do to calm down: ________________________________
  • When and where we'll come back to it: ________________________________
  • What we'll say when we come back: ________________________________

Accepting a repair

It's hard to take a repair when you're still upset. Accepting part of one counts.

  • What helps me accept a repair: ________________________________
  • What I can say when I accept one: ________________________________

Softened startup script: planning the first sentence

A hard conversation tends to end the way it starts. This sheet helps you plan the first sentence.

Before you start

  • The one thing I want to raise (just one): ________________________________
  • Is this a good time? Not rushed, not hungry, nobody else listening (circle): yes, not yet
  • Something I appreciate about my partner that relates to this, if there is one: ________________________________

Build the opening

  • I feel (a feeling word, such as worried, lonely, stretched thin, hurt): ________________________________
  • About (one situation, described the way a camera would see it): ________________________________
  • What I'd like (something my partner could say yes to): ________________________________
  • My opening sentence: "I feel __________ about __________, and I'd like __________."

Check it before you say it

  • It starts with "I," not "You."
  • It's about a situation, not my partner's character.
  • It doesn't use "always" or "never."
  • It's one issue, not a list I've been saving up.
  • The request is specific, something they could do this week.

An example (invented)

  • Harsh: "You never help with anything. I'm sick of doing it all."
  • Softer: "I'm feeling stretched thin with school pickups this week. Could you take Tuesday and Thursday?"

If it goes sideways

  • My repair line: ________________________________
  • When we'll try again: ________________________________
  • What I want to bring to session: ________________________________

If you're afraid of your partner, or someone is hurting you

Tell your therapist when you can talk alone. If anyone is in danger right now, call 911. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. If you're thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the US).

End of the worksheets. The rest of this page is for therapists.

How couples therapists use these worksheets between sessions

Which worksheet when

  • Criticism, contempt or defensiveness fill the session:the four horsemen worksheet, with the softened startup script once the couple can spot their own horsemen.
  • Fights escalate fast, or one partner shuts down:the repair attempt plan first, especially its break plan. Flooding has to come down before any new skill works.
  • "We're like roommates":love maps and the bids log. Both work on friendship without asking the couple to fight well first.
  • A recurring argument that never resolves:often a perpetual problem. Use the softened startup script to open it, and keep the goal at understanding each other rather than settling it.
  • Contempt is frequent and intense:slow down. Work on fondness and admiration in session and look at what's driving the contempt before assigning homework.

Introducing a worksheet in session

  1. Teach the idea first, briefly. One horseman, one antidote, in a few sentences.
  2. Practice it in the room. Have each partner fill in one section about a recent, low-stakes moment while you coach.
  3. Assign one worksheet at a time. Two copies, one each.
  4. Agree on when and where. "After dinner on Wednesday, at the table" works better than "sometime this week."
  5. Say what not to do. No filling in the partner's horsemen, no reading the other's sheet without permission, and no quoting it in a fight.
  6. Send the link or print it. A couple can open this page on a phone.

Reviewing it next session

  • Start with it.Homework you don't ask about stops happening.
  • Ask each partner for one thing they noticed about themselves.Steer away from reports about the other partner.
  • Treat "we didn't do it" as information.Was it the timing, the sheet, or a fight that made it impossible?
  • Track something simple.Horsemen caught per week, bids answered, breaks taken and returned from. A validated relationship measure such as the Couples Satisfaction Index (Funk and Rogge, 2007) at intake and at intervals gives you a steadier picture.
  • Watch for a sheet becoming a weapon.If one partner uses the worksheet to catalog the other's faults, stop that worksheet and work on it in session.

Adapting the worksheets

  • Same-sex couples.Nothing on the sheets assumes gender, and the method has been studied with gay and lesbian couples (see the evidence section).
  • Different cultures and families of origin.How directly people raise complaints, and what counts as respectful, varies. Ask what a gentle start sounds like in their family and language.
  • Partners who take words literally.Some partners, including some autistic adults, do better with concrete examples than with feeling words. Add example sentences to the sheet in session.
  • Reading or writing barriers.Read the sheet aloud and let the partner answer out loud. The ideas don't need writing to work.
  • Anger under the horsemen.When anger drives the criticism, our anger iceberg worksheet helps each partner name what's under it.
  • Family patterns.A genogram can show where a partner learned to stonewall or criticize.

When these worksheets don't fit

  • Violence, threats, fear or coercive control (see the safety section).
  • An affair that's still going on, or a major secret one partner is keeping.
  • Active substance use that drives the conflict.
  • A partner in crisis or at risk of suicide. Use a suicide safety plan and individual care first.
  • One partner who has already decided to leave. That's usually a different kind of work.

How to note couples work in a progress note

Couples records raise questions individual records don't. Decide them before the first session:

  • Who is the client? The ACA Code of Ethics says counselors "clearly define who is considered 'the client' and discuss expectations and limitations of confidentiality," and that "In the absence of an agreement to the contrary, the couple or family is considered to be the client" (ACA Code of Ethics, B.4.b). The APA Ethics Code asks psychologists to clarify "which of the individuals are clients/patients" and "the relationship the psychologist will have with each person" (APA Ethics Code, 10.02).
  • One record or two? Follow your setting's policy and your consent document. Either way, never record a partner's private safety disclosure where the other partner could read it.
  • Psychotherapy notes are separate from the progress note. See our guide to psychotherapy notes vs progress notes.

What a useful couples note includes:

  • Who attended and how: both partners, in the same room or on separate devices, by video or in person.
  • Safety: when individual screening happened, and any check-in today. Put individual disclosures in the place your policy says, not in the joint note.
  • The intervention, described plainly: for example, "psychoeducation on criticism and gentle start-up, based on Gottman's research," and "four horsemen worksheet reviewed." Describe what you did; don't name a modality you aren't trained in.
  • Each partner's response, in observable words, and balanced. A note that reads as if one partner is the problem will be read that way.
  • Homework given and reviewed, and what's next.

An example in DAP format. Invented couple: Nadia and Tom, together 11 years, seen by video for frequent arguments since their second child was born.

Wording to copy25 lines
Data: Fourth conjoint session, by video. Both partnerspresent on one device in a private room at home.Individual screening for intimate partner violence wascompleted with each partner alone in sessions 1 and 2;no violence, threats or fear reported. Brief check-intoday: both said they feel safe at home.Reviewed four horsemen worksheets. Nadia logged threemoments of criticism ("you never plan anything") andrewrote one as a complaint with a request. Tom loggedtwo moments of stonewalling; he took one 25-minutebreak and returned as agreed. In session, a talk aboutweekend plans escalated. Tom said his heart was racingand used the couple's break signal; both returnedafter 20 minutes and finished the discussion calmly.Assessment: Pursue-withdraw pattern continues, withcriticism and stonewalling the most frequent. Bothpartners now identify their own horsemen rather thaneach other's, and both used a repair in session.Progress toward goal 1 (fewer escalations): each ratedweekly escalations lower than at intake.Plan: Continue the horsemen log. Each partner to fillin the softened startup script alone, then use it forone weekend-planning talk before next session. Nextsession: review the script; begin love maps work.Individual check-ins with each partner at session 6.

In BIRP, the worksheet goes under Intervention and what each partner did with it goes under Response; see our BIRP note examples and DAP notes examples. For wording, the progress notes cheat sheet lists clinical words for interventions and client responses. If you bill insurance for conjoint sessions, check your payer's rules first.

How this works in TranqBay

TranqBay is practice software for therapists in private practice: a practice website, online booking, video sessions and session notes in one place. Here is where couples work fits.

  • Your practice website is where couples find you. Say exactly what training you've completed. The ACA Code asks counselors to "claim or imply only professional qualifications actually completed" and to "accurately describe their continuing education and specialized training." "Completed Level 1 training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy" is accurate; "Gottman therapist" after reading a book is not.
  • Online booking lets couples book a session with you from your website.
  • Video sessions are end-to-end encrypted and HIPAA-ready. TranqBay's Business Associate Agreement applies when you accept the Terms, with no separate document to sign. Individual safety check-ins can happen by video too, once you've confirmed each partner is alone.
  • Forms before the session. The form library has ready-made templates you can send a client for a session, including a couples intake, consent to treat, telehealth consent, release of information, the PHQ-9 and the GAD-7. The client fills them in online and the answers wait with the session. TranqBay doesn't score them. Keep individual violence screening in individual meetings rather than in forms a partner might see.
  • Session notes come in DAP, BIRP, SOAP or GIRP format, or as a blank note in your own words. The structured formats are part of the advanced note templates, which some plans include.
  • The worksheets live on this page. Send the couple the link, or print it.

practice.tranqbay.health shows an example practice website for a couples therapist and the booking page clients would use, with individual and couples sessions listed side by side, so you can see how a couple would find and book you before you set anything up.

Frequently asked questions about Gottman method worksheets

Are there Gottman worksheets for couples as a PDF?

The Gottman Institute offers some of its own handouts on its site; see its resources for professionals and resources for couples. The worksheets on this page are ours, written from Gottman's published ideas. Print this page or save it as a PDF from your browser's print window, and set the page range if you only want one sheet.

Can I copy the Gottman Institute's worksheets for my clients?

Check with the Institute. Its site terms say the contents "cannot be reproduced or distributed," and that its products are "not intended for redistribution." If you want to use a specific handout with clients, read the terms that come with it or ask the Institute.

Do I need Gottman training to use these ideas?

The ideas are published in books anyone can read, and many couples therapists draw on them. Delivering Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and describing your work that way, is different: training runs through the Institute, from Level 1 to certification as a Certified Gottman Therapist.

What are the four horsemen and their antidotes?

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. The antidotes the Institute names are a gentle start-up for criticism, a culture of appreciation and respect for contempt, taking responsibility for defensiveness, and physiological self-soothing (a break of at least 20 minutes) for stonewalling.

What is a love map in the Gottman Method?

Your stored knowledge of your partner's inner world: their worries, hopes, friends, stresses and history. It's the first floor of the Sound Relationship House, and it needs updating as life changes.

What is a bid for connection?

Any attempt by one partner to get the other's attention, affirmation or affection, from a question to a sigh to a touch. A partner can turn toward it, turn away from it, or turn against it.

What is a repair attempt?

Anything said or done that keeps a conflict from spiraling, such as a joke that lands, an apology, or asking for a break. Repair works best when a couple has agreed in a calm moment on what helps each of them.

What is a softened startup?

Raising a complaint gently: starting with "I," describing one situation instead of judging the person, and asking for something specific. Its opposite, a harsh startup, opens with criticism or contempt.

Is the Gottman Method evidence-based?

The research it's built on is extensive. As a treatment, a 2026 systematic review rated Gottman couple therapy as having modest support, alongside six other models, and found no couple therapy model with strong support yet.

Can I use these worksheets when there is domestic violence?

Not as a first step, and not in joint sessions when one partner is afraid of the other. Screen each partner alone first, and focus on safety when there's violence, threats or coercive control.

Before your next couples session

Pick one worksheet that fits the couple's main pattern, try it on your own relationship or a past argument first, and practice one section in the room before you send it home. Make sure you've met each partner alone first.

If you work with couples, see how TranqBay works for private practice: you can look at an example website for a couples therapist and the booking page a couple would use, with individual and couples sessions side by side, and picture your own training described accurately on it. If you're deciding whether to join, this page explains how joining TranqBay works.

Sources

31 sources

gottman.com 13Print 4Research 9States 1thehotline.org 1Associations 2988 Lifeline 1

Updated October 25, 2026. Found it useful? Send it to a colleague.

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