Have you ever found yourself on the brink of something good. maybe a promising relationship, a great job opportunity, or a healthy new habit – only to see yourself mess it up… almost on purpose? 

If you’re nodding slowly, you’re not alone. It’s called self-sabotage, and many of us do it more often than we care to admit.

We don’t do it because we’re lazy or weak. We do it because, in some strange way, our minds are trying to protect us even when it doesn’t make sense.

Self-sabotage happens when we either consciously or unconsciously act in ways that hinder our own success or well-being. It might manifest as procrastinating on crucial tasks, pushing loved ones away, binge-eating when we’re trying to eat healthier, or quitting something just as it starts getting good.

It’s that nagging inner voice that says, “You’re not good enough,” or “This is too good to be true.” It’s that subtle yet persistent urge to retreat to what feels comfortable – even if that comfort is actually harmful.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, but here are some of the most common reasons:

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Ironically, some of us would rather not try at all than risk failing. Failure feels personal, almost like a reflection of our worth. So instead of facing the possibility of disappointment, we close the door on opportunities before they even have a chance to open. It’s a peculiar form of emotional self-preservation. 

Sounds strange, right? But success can be just as intimidating as failure. It brings along responsibility, change, and expectations. When we achieve success, we might worry about our ability to maintain it. So, we subconsciously “escape” the pressure by sabotaging ourselves before we even reach that point. 

If deep down, we don’t believe we deserve happiness, love, or success, we’ll sabotage anything that suggests otherwise. That amazing relationship? We might ghost the person. That job promotion? We start slacking. Our inner critic convinces us we’re not worthy, and we act accordingly. 

Our upbringing shapes how we see ourselves and the world. If we grew up around chaos, neglect, or constant criticism, we might internalize dysfunction as normal. Stability can feel unfamiliar – untrustworthy even. So we go back to what we know, even if it hurts.

When life feels unpredictable, self-sabotage can give us a false sense of control. If we mess things up ourselves, at least we’re not waiting for the world to do it for us. We’d rather be the one to let go first than be caught off guard by someone else’s rejection.

Have you ever achieved something incredible and thought, “I don’t belong here”? That’s 

 rearing its head. We worry about being “found out” as a fraud, which leads us to withdraw, or play it small. Self-sabotage becomes a strange way of validating our own insecurities.  You can read more about imposter syndrome here

How to Know If You’re Self-Sabotaging  

Sometimes, it’s pretty clear. But often, self-sabotage hides behind habits that seem “normal.” Here are a few warning signs:  

 You procrastinate on important tasks, even when you know it’ll hurt you.  

 You quit just before reaching the finish line.  

 You push people away when things start to get emotionally close.  

You feel uneasy when life is going well.  

You engage in destructive habits that clash with your goals.  

Is this you? If yes, there’s a good chance self-sabotage is at play.  

Healing from self-sabotage doesn’t happen overnight. But it starts with awareness. You have to notice the pattern before you can break it.

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Get support. A therapist, coach, or trusted friend can help you see what you might miss on your own.

Identify your triggers. What situations bring out your self-sabotaging behaviors? Is it stress, vulnerability, or feeling out of control?

Challenge your inner critic. That voice that says you’re not good enough? It’s lying. Start questioning it instead of blindly agreeing.

Be kind to yourself. You’re not broken. You’re human. Self-sabotage is a defense mechanism, not a character flaw.

Practice self-compassion. It's almost impossible to separate self-compassion from mental health. You’ve probably been hard on yourself for years. Try doing the opposite and show yourself grace. Healing starts with softness, not shame.

Self-sabotage is rarely about laziness or lack of willpower. It’s usually rooted in old wounds, fear, and a distorted sense of self. But the good news is that what’s learned can be unlearned.

You are allowed to enjoy good things without guilt.

So the next time you catch yourself pulling away from the good, pause and ask yourself: What am I afraid of? 

That simple question might be the first step toward rewriting your story.

Struggling with self-sabotage? You’re not alone. Discover why it happens, how it affects your success, and practical steps to start healing today.

How to Recognize and Stop Self-Sabotage

Mental health often goes unnoticed beneath nice dresses and wide smiles. Yet, these conditions are silently eroding aspects of life that seem outwardly healthy. 

It’s easier to tell a friend you have a headache when they ask about your forlorn look than to admit you experience panic attacks whenever you are triggered by a past experience. 

Nowadays, mental health awareness is everywhere, just like how our mental health articles frequently appear. But while research and statistics help us understand these struggles, personal stories bring them to life. 

Beyond reading about mental health, hearing real experiences can be just as powerful.

Sharing real-life stories and experiences plays a huge role in promoting mental well-being. 

When people hear others’ stories, they realize they are not alone, which can be deeply comforting. The relief is as soothing as a balm that nurses a wound. It might not provide permanent healing, but it's a step toward recovery.

People avoid talking about their condition due to the stigma surrounding mental health, fearing embarrassment, judgment, or being treated differently. Open conversations challenge the stigma surrounding mental health, making it easier for others to seek help.

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Talking about mental health educates others and people realise these conditions are real, and not falsified to prove a point. It also equips people with the ability to recognize signs and symptoms if they experience similar struggles. 

Both the readers and the sharer benefit actively from this process. A sharer becomes more aware of their emotions, triggers, and thought patterns, gaining deeper insight into their mental health and personal growth.

Sharing experiences creates supportive communities for those facing similar struggles.

Addressing Real Stories of Mental Health Battles

So, we created an anonymous form to create a safe space for people to share their struggles.  Note that we obtained people’s consent before sharing their stories in this article.

To retain originality, these stories are quoted to reflect that it was not tampered with or edited in any way.

When asked to explain how they really feel imagining they were sitting before a therapist:

“I feel really down. My emotions are all over the place. I don't understand who I am anymore.  This minute,  I am proud of myself, and the next minute, it seems like I have not done anything for myself. In fact, I feel worthless. Do you think there's an end to feelings like this?”

Emotions can be unstable, sometimes fluctuating without reason. But while feelings make us human, we also have the ability to manage and navigate them. Even in difficult moments, there’s a way forward. 

There's an end to constantly feeling lost and overwhelmed. Healing may not be immediate, but with the right support, self-awareness, and coping strategies, it's possible to regain control and find balance.

“I don't believe in seeing a therapist.  Isn't it just talking like I do with friends and family.”

While they can be a great support system, they cannot replace professional help. Your friends and family are not professionally trained to handle mental health conditions that require diagnosis, treatment, or medical prescriptions.  

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When asked to share a time when they pretend their mental health was fine, but it really wasn't.

“It's been years since I had a healthy mental health.  I never imagined depression would ever happen to me. I am known to be a strong and resilient person. How do I explain to people that I am depressed?”

“Many times, I had a lot going through my mind but I had to be strong outside because I didn't want my family to worry. I almost ended it at one time because it felt like there was no way I'd overcome that period. I'm not completely out of my depressed state, but I'm managing it better"

Many people feel pressured to appear okay, even when they’re struggling. The fear of judgment or burdening others forces them to suffer in silence. But acknowledging that we’re not okay is often the first step toward healing.

Rather than adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms, seek professional help. Don't manage your conditions alone. 

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The pressure to appear strong isn't limited to personal interactions—it extends to social media as well.

“More often than not, social media makes me feel so inadequate and worthless yet it is so difficult not to scroll. When I open my apps, I am always welcomed with people's success stories and expensive lifestyles. It's even worse when I see people I am older than achieving all things I can only imagine.”

“I am afraid that others will "find out" I am not as capable as I appear. Everyone seems to have it all together on social media. I think I have imposter syndrome. It is so difficult to believe in my ability no matter the achievement.  Sometimes, it feels like someone will catch up and see me for what I truly am. “

Social media has both positive and negative effects, especially for those who struggle to manage their consumption. Because it allows people to present curated versions of their lives, it can fuel comparison and insecurities. 

But rather than letting social media dictate our self-worth, we can take control by curating a healthier feed, setting screen-time limits, and reminding ourselves that online highlights are not the full story.

These stories offer a glimpse into the daily struggles many people face. Whether you relate to them or not, remember that you are seen, and you are not alone on this journey.

The journey to healing takes time, but taking the first step whether by seeking support, talking to someone, or practicing self-care can make all the difference. 

 is available. Don’t hesitate to reach out.

Real mental health stories from people who’ve struggled. Discover how sharing experiences breaks stigma, raises awareness, and builds healing communities.

Breaking The Silence: Real Stories Of Mental Health Struggles

Perfectionism is the constant pursuit of flawlessness, often fueled by a fear of failure or the need for approval from others.  It goes beyond merely setting high standards; it embodies the idea that anything short of perfection is not good enough. 

As an employee, you may feel trapped in your career, hesitant to take risks or make mistakes due to the fear of not meeting impossibly high standards.

As a parent, the pressure to be the ‘perfect’ caregiver can lead to stress, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy, transforming parenting into an exhausting competition rather than a rewarding journey.

A business owner might postpone launching a product because they believe it’s never “perfect,” resulting in missed opportunities.

The reality is that perfectionism isn’t merely a personality trait—it can indicate underlying mental health issues, where individuals impose unrealistic expectations on themselves, leading to anxiety, burnout, and chronic dissatisfaction.

So, how do we distinguish between striving for excellence and succumbing to perfectionistic tendencies?

Striving for Excellence vs. Perfectionism

While striving for excellence is healthy and encourages growth, perfectionism is inflexible, fear-driven, and emotionally draining.

Are you motivated by a desire to learn or by a fear of failure and criticism?

Do you set high but adaptable goals or unattainable standards that leave you feeling inadequate?

Do you view mistakes as opportunities for learning or as failures that amplify anxiety and self-doubt?

Does striving for excellence provide fulfillment and motivation, or does it lead to 

If your responses tend to align with the latter, you may be facing challenges with perfectionism.

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Perfectionism can lead to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors (OCD). 

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) notes that these challenges become more intense when people relentlessly pursue perfection, fearing that anything short of it is not good enough. 

This mindset fosters a cycle of ongoing dissatisfaction and makes it difficult to appreciate even small achievements.

Unchecked perfectionism can significantly impact mental well-being. Here’s how:

– The fear of failure generates constant stress, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Leads to Procrastination & Burnout – The constant pressure to be perfect can make tasks feel overwhelming, leading you to avoid them entirely.

 – Perfectionists often link their self-worth to their achievements, so any perceived failure can feel like a significant personal flaw.

Strains Relationships – Whether in the workplace or at home, perfectionism can create unrealistic expectations for yourself and others, resulting in frustration and disappointment.

How to Manage Perfectionism for Better Mental Health

If perfectionism is affecting your life, consider these steps to help restore balance:

Focus on making progress rather than achieving perfection. Allow space for mistakes and personal growth.

Are you motivating yourself to improve, or are you driven by fear of judgment? Understanding your reasons can help change your perspective.

3. Avoid Comparison: Social media and outside pressures can intensify perfectionist tendencies. Comparison steals your joy and kills any sense of fulfillment you have. Concentrate on your own path instead. 

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4.  Practice Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is a core theme in mental health. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Recognize your efforts, not just the outcomes. Nobody is perfect, and that is okay. 

5. Embrace Mistakes: Remember, failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s a crucial part of the journey.

Pursuing excellence can be inspiring, but perfectionism can be debilitating. The challenge lies in identifying when your high standards begin to hinder rather than help you. So, where do you find yourself? 

Are you aiming for growth or chasing an unattainable ideal?

 to assist you in booking your first session.

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. Learn how it impacts mental health, relationships, and career growth with practical ways to manage it effectively.

Striving for Excellence or Stuck in Perfectionism? How to Find the Balance

Sometimes, we carry so much inside that it feels impossible to express it, no matter how hard we try. 

We all have moments when we struggle to communicate our feelings, even when we long for someone to understand. 

We need to hear it again: it's okay to not have it all together. To remind you that you are not alone, even when it seems like no one else gets it. 

We're here to listen, to see, and to help, because we understand how important it is to feel truly heard.

How have you been feeling lately? Life can move so fast, and we often find ourselves dealing with one thing after another, forgetting to pause and check in on our own well-being. 

We tend to wear a smile, even when our hearts are heavy, hoping no one notices the burden we carry. 

Do you feel seen enough, or do you wish someone would look past that smile and truly grasp the emotional weight you're under? 

It’s easy to get swept up in the hustle, pretending everything is fine while struggling to hold it all together. But we want you to know that your feelings are important, and we see you for who you are – much more than just what’s on the surface.

Unlike physical health, where remedies for headaches, stomach aches, or colds are clear, mental health challenges often lack straightforward solutions. 

It can be even more difficult to discuss these issues due to the fear of appearing weak, vulnerable, or misunderstood. 

But we see you. We notice the exhaustion in your eyes, the moments when life feels overwhelmingly heavy. 

Whether you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, trauma, phobias, imposter syndrome, or OCD, we see you. Your journey is valid, even if it feels invisible to others. 

It’s okay to feel what you're feeling, and you don’t have to hide those emotions anymore. 

Your struggles do not define your worth, and you are not limited by the challenges you face. You are a person of strength, resilience, and grace, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

Struggling with mental health doesn’t make you “weird” or “weak” – it simply makes you human. Being human means going through both good times and bad. 

It's crucial to remember that you don’t have to face this journey by yourself. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not a weakness. 

Professional support, whether through therapy, counseling, or just talking to someone you trust, can help you navigate these tough times. Don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance.

There is always hope. With the right support and by taking meaningful steps, you can make progress.

You deserve to feel better, and there are many ways to heal. Start wherever you can, and remember that every step forward counts.

Taking the step to seek support can feel daunting, but it’s essential to remember that you’re not alone. 

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If you’re ready to talk, TranqBay provides online therapy with licensed professionals who can assist you on your mental health journey. 

No matter where you are, you can reach out from the comfort of your own home and start making meaningful strides toward healing.

So, have you checked in with yourself today?

You're not alone in your mental health journey. TranqBay connects you with licensed therapists for online support, helping you heal at your own pace.

Exhausted and Drained? Read this Letter to Your Weary Self

Impostor syndrome is real. Do you feel like a fraud? Do you ever feel like you’ve somehow tricked people into believing you’re smart, talented, or capable and that any moment now, they’ll figure out the truth? If so, you’re not alone.

This feeling is more common than you think. While it is common to have occasional episodes of self-doubt, when these feelings are ongoing and persistent, it’s called impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome is the persistent feeling of self-doubt and internal criticism, where you question your success despite clear evidence of your abilities. Instead of acknowledging your skills and hard work, you chalk up your achievements to luck, timing, or other external factors.

Impostor syndrome is a recognized psychological pattern rather than a diagnosable mental disorder. It’s not listed in the DSM-V, the manual used by mental health professionals for diagnosing conditions. However, its effects on self-perception and confidence are very real, influencing how individuals see their achievements and abilities.

If left unchecked, imposter syndrome can lead to 

Over time, this pattern of self-doubt can chip away at confidence. It’s no surprise that many who struggle with imposter syndrome also battle low self-esteem. (Check out our article on

People dealing with impostor syndrome struggle to believe in their own competence, even when others recognize and praise them. Their inner dialogue often sounds like this:

"They probably say nice things about everyone’s work."

"They’re just being polite; they don’t actually mean it."

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Even when I do well, I don’t think I really deserve it. 

I don’t like drawing attention to my successes.

I hesitate to brag about my accomplishments.

I am a perfectionist as I set unrealistic standard .

I measure my success against others feeling inferior as a result

Are we up to something at this point? Not to panic. Keep reading.

Impostor syndrome is a widespread phenomenon affecting individuals across various demographics and professions. It happens to the best of us, even the people you admire, those who seem effortlessly accomplished and successful. It is possible they might be battling the same self-doubt you are.

According to a study by Bravata et al. (2020), 82% of individuals’ experience feelings of imposter syndrome at some point, particularly feeling like they've achieved success through luck rather than merit. 

This finding is often cited in discussions of imposter syndrome, though its prevalence can vary depending on the population studied.

Impostor syndrome doesn't have a single cause; rather, it results from a mix of factors that lead to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.

One major contributor to imposter syndrome is perfectionism, where people set impossibly high standards for themselves. When they inevitably fail to meet these expectations, they feel like failures, even if their accomplishments are genuinely impressive. This cycle of self-doubt is driven by the notion that only perfection is acceptable.

Family expectations during childhood also significantly impact this syndrome. Growing up in a setting where success was only acknowledged if it met lofty standards can lead individuals to believe their achievements are never sufficient. This internalized pressure often carries into adulthood, causing them to question their worth even in the face of success.

Additionally, stereotypes and social comparisons play a role in these feelings. In competitive settings or as part of a minority group, constant comparisons to others can intensify the belief that others are more capable, making one feel that their own success is somehow undeserved.

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1. Practice Self-Compassion (In Small, Practical Steps)

Practicing self-compassion is easier said than done If it were that easy, you probably wouldn't be here. This is why we have compiled practical steps to help you adopt self-compassion.

.Being kinder to yourself is a gradual process, and that’s perfectly fine. Instead of trying to instantly “believe” in your worth, consider integrating small, intentional practices into your routine:

Talk to Yourself Like a Friend: If a friend accomplished what you did, would you brush off their success as mere luck? Likely not. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would extend to them.

Imposter syndrome makes you doubt your success despite clear evidence of your abilities. Learn to overcome self-doubt, build confidence, and grow.

Imposter Syndrome

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